I don't know what to do

James still hasn't got to school as far as I know. His phone is off and nobody's answering at his house. And I don't want to write this next part because he's going to read it and then he'll feel worse. But I was wondering just now if I might be getting depressed too. All I can think about is what if he actually

STOP

Okay. It had to be said. And the other thing I have to say is that I've been sitting in study hall for over an hour and a half wondering if it actually helps to cut yourself. And how I could find out. Holding out, I don't really want to, but I wish I could contact him. I need him to tell me that it's okay. Even if it's not. Becuase I can't imagine that it's really okay just now. Where is he? If he's not at home and he's not at school, and I can't make myself believe that he could possibly have spent the whole day with Orbecchi... He said that if it got really bad again he would go somewhere, hospital or something that could prevent him from hurting himself. Maybe he did that. But why wouldn't he tell me? I'm so confused. I'm so scared. I need James.

I love him. And I can't block out the "what if"s.