Little Bit Lost
Dunno where James is today. He said he would meet me in the bar this morning before school but I waited and he didn't show up. Alex was there though, so it was ok. But I tried to call James on his mobile and it was off, so I tried his home and nobody answered. I guess he went to see Orbecchi but I don't know for sure, so I'm a little worried. It's been bad lately. Whenever something like this happens I don't know what to think, and I get scared that... you know. I don't want to talk about it. Overall I'm okay with it, I've learnt to live with it, but it's hard sometimes. I just try to remember that it is going to get better. SOON. That's what Orbecchi said, and it's his job, after all.
Maybe I should talk to someone. Mrs Townsend knows everything, so maybe her. But I know what she'd say before I even talk about it. She'd tell me there's nothing more I can do, I just need to live with it and hold it together, and things will get better soon. I know all that already. But it's still hard at times like this.
The biggest thing that helps, though, is the way it can all be so great a lot of the time, even with all the shit that's been going on. Like last night, James came over and we watched Kill Bill 1, which was really great because I really liked the movie (gross though) and James was acting just the way he did when I first started dating him. That's how I know it's going to be all right. Because sometimes it really is great.
In a month or so this should stop being so difficult. It's going to get better any day now, according to Orbecchi and his little letter to the school or whatever (it feels wierd talking about the guy so much, I've never even met him!), but it'll take a while to start feeling normal again. But it will, that much I know for a fact. James knows it too, somewhere, but he just finds it hard to believe at the moment. Because it's still so bad for him sometimes. But soon now it'll get better.
"...Oh, lost and by the wind grieved ghost
Please come back to me again
Because the way that she bleeds
Is in the law that he reads
Confusing words and deeds
So what does it mean…"
-Bad Religion, "The Quickening"
That's how I feel right now. Lost. And it seems like James is lost, too, but more. Much more. So I need him to come back to me, because I need him right now. I need to remember that he's going to be okay.
It snowed, by the way.
Maybe I should talk to someone. Mrs Townsend knows everything, so maybe her. But I know what she'd say before I even talk about it. She'd tell me there's nothing more I can do, I just need to live with it and hold it together, and things will get better soon. I know all that already. But it's still hard at times like this.
The biggest thing that helps, though, is the way it can all be so great a lot of the time, even with all the shit that's been going on. Like last night, James came over and we watched Kill Bill 1, which was really great because I really liked the movie (gross though) and James was acting just the way he did when I first started dating him. That's how I know it's going to be all right. Because sometimes it really is great.
In a month or so this should stop being so difficult. It's going to get better any day now, according to Orbecchi and his little letter to the school or whatever (it feels wierd talking about the guy so much, I've never even met him!), but it'll take a while to start feeling normal again. But it will, that much I know for a fact. James knows it too, somewhere, but he just finds it hard to believe at the moment. Because it's still so bad for him sometimes. But soon now it'll get better.
"...Oh, lost and by the wind grieved ghost
Please come back to me again
Because the way that she bleeds
Is in the law that he reads
Confusing words and deeds
So what does it mean…"
-Bad Religion, "The Quickening"
That's how I feel right now. Lost. And it seems like James is lost, too, but more. Much more. So I need him to come back to me, because I need him right now. I need to remember that he's going to be okay.
It snowed, by the way.
posted by Lynn at 9:15 AM
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