Philosophy

Okay, this is wierd. I am actually going INSANE... Okay maybe not but it feels like I am. I just don't know what is going on... James got worse again. NOT GOOD. I don't know how much more of this I can take... Well, I'm going to take however much there is, I just mean I don't know how much more can happen without me ending up the same way. And right now that's probably the worst thing that could happen because he's not feeling exactly great either... so I have to keep it together for both of us and I don't know how much more of that I can do. Maybe we both just have to be a little out of it for a while.
It's wierd at home too. I told my parents that I might not want to be a Catholic. They took it kind of well, which threw me off a bit. I never know what they are going to say when I tell them stuff. It's worse than knowing they're going to kill me. At least if I know they're going to kill me I know what's going to happen. But if I don't know what the outcome will be how can I ever feel comfortable with telling them stuff? I just don't know.
I wish that things could just be how they were six months ago. It was bad then too, but a different way. We thought that I might be pregnant... turned out I wasn't but we had a real scare. Then my parents practically disowned me for a while. Funny how when people are trying to be nice to you, you just want them to go away, and then when they aren't talking to you, you need them around all the time. But at least I had James then, and I always knew exactly what was going on. Now I just don't know. And not knowing is definitely worse than knowing the worst is going to happen.